Lawn Gnomes

Ok, so this post isn't ACTUALLY about lawn gnomes, but it is about the light-up deer that many people have on their lawns for Christmas. Let me tell you what went through my head last night when I saw one of those things. Maybe I have seen too many horror movies...

I saw one of those deer with the moving heads (you know, it goes slowly side to side), and I half expected the head to just keep turning in a full circle before throwing up pea soup. Then, the lights near the eyes would light up red and the deer would start screaming, "Do you know what you DID? Santa Claus is NOT going to be happy." in that horrible Exorcist voice. Then, it would come to life like the hedges in The Shining and hunt me down until it can either trample me to death or electrocute me before turning carnivore and gnawing on my legs.

Yeah, I have a vivid (and scary) imagination.

S-PAN-YOL

I hope that Michael forgives me for this post :)

Last night, after attending the annual White Elephant, Pink Taco party at Terri and Alicia's place, and briefly stopping over at the Athey house to wish Kathi a happy birthday and watch Shaine and Kevin open presents, Mike and I went over to my place. We spent some time reading the Book of Mormon, and since I had left my other English copy somewhere, I was reading in Spanish while he read in English. After we were done, this led to me pulling out my Spanish-English dictionary as well as the October 2001 copy of the Liahona in Spanish (which I have because the elders on the cover were the Barcelona mission APs).

Now, Michael has told me that his Puerto Rican companion complimented him on his pronunciation while he was on his mission. I, however, was NOT as generous. Hearing Mike read Spanish was one of the funniest things I have heard in awhile. Partially because he was reading the names in Spanglish and (please forgive my vernacular) sounded semi-retarded, he was inserting and removing letters from words, and partially because he was emphasizing the wrong syllable. Yes, Elias, which is pronounced A-lee-ahs in Spanish was still Elias. Setenta became sententa, and, had we gotten there, I am sure that teLEfono would have become teleFOno. We were laughing so hard that Lisa could hear us all the way in her room with the door closed. Bless his heart, he was trying, but he clearly did not serve a Spanish-speaking mission. Maybe someday...

Idiot drivers

So, yesterday, traffic was AWFUL! Driving from Dublin to Walnut Creek in the morning, the carpool lane hours are 5am - 9am, and I am convinced that the mere presence of the carpool lane makes traffic in the other three lanes go slower. Part of this is caused because people DO NOT know how to merge or change lanes. The common driver thinks that merging means going as fast as you can for as long as you can (i.e. until the lane you are in turns into an exit only, or you see your exit 100 yards ahead and you're in the carpool lane), and then forcing your way into a spot barely bigger than your car while simultaneously slamming on your brakes. If you drive this corridor during commute hours, please watch for this phenomenon between Sycamore and El Cerro. Seriously. Changing lines like this, of course, causes the car you have just cut off to slam on his brakes, since he was probably already tailgating, and creates a ripple effect for the next three hours, turning the once 65-mph freeway into a glorified parking lot. In the worst case scenario, it causes an accident.

The annoying part of all this is that the people who are responsible for the three "regular" lanes slowing down (namely carpools), get to keep driving fast because they have their own stinkin' lane. Sometimes, when I am sitting alone in my car, I think, "there probably isn't a cop, I should just pass a few people and then get back over." I never do this because the minimum fine is $381, and it just doesn't seem worth it to get to work a few minutes early. There are people who think it's worth the risk, and it is SOOO irritating to see them get away with riding solo in the carpool lane day after day. So, yesterday, as I am watching these carpools (and some non-carpools) speed past me, I also notice a motorcycle CHP officer get on the freeway. He pulls immediately into the carpool lane and totally busts this DB in a Mustang. I smiled smugly to myself and thought, "HA! That's why I don't take the chance, and I hope he fines you the max and that you aren't wearing your seatbelt." It was seriously so gratifying to see the highway patrol get someone. Now if only they would fine the people who get in fender benders in the second lane and then get out of their cars in the middle of traffic...

Blogging GOLD

It's almost Christmas, and that means that many stores (both retail and online) are sending out catalogs. The Athey family received a catalog last night. This catalog claimed to be "the most important gift catalog in the world." What was it, you ask? Why, it was none other than the Heifer International Catalog.

Yes friends, instead of showering your loved ones with clothes, gift cards, and all sorts of other things they don't really need, you can donate the fabulous gift of a heifer to a family in need in Mongolia. That doesn't float your boat? The catalog suggests that instead of giving your mom a pig-themed gift (because apparently their squishy faces make moms go weak at the knees), you should give the gift of a pig to a needy family in Kosovo, for the low price of $120. If you are feeling totally generous, you can give the ARK, which is bees, guinea pigs, water buffalo, and on and on. That's right...for only $5,000 you can piss off your mom. Just tell her that it went to someone who needed it more than she did.

Or, if you are attending a wedding reception, just say, "Well Becky [or your friend's name], I was going to get you that vegetable steamer you wanted, but since your dad's coworker already got it for you, I instead donated some rabbits to a family in Africa. Rabbits are, after all, the gift that just keeps on giving...especially if you don't keep them in separate cages."

You should go to their website immediately and donate something; remember, your loved ones will TOTALLY appreciate it.

Vertigo

So, I have been experiencing on-and-off vertigo for the past couple days, which my mother pointed out, is probably being caused by my sinuses. Anyway, I was working up in Sacramento yesterday and it started again, and just kept going. I felt like I had just stepped off the teacups at Disneyland (except it wasn't as fun). Needless to say, this made me slightly nervous for the 90-mile drive home. So, since I had already been texting them, I asked Mike and Shaine if they could coordinate something in order to come get me and have one of them drive my car home. They were both more than willing to help (another indication of their utter fabulousness).

What ended up happening is that Mike got to take his first Amtrak trip EVER. He came up on the commuter train and rescued me from having to stay in Sac overnight with no clean clothes, and he helped me carry my 6 binders to the car. We had a fun little adventure on the Sacramento freeways and he even made sure I ate something.

I hope this vertigo passes soon, but it's nice to know that the peeps are lookin' out for me. You guys ROCK!

More cheese (courtesy of a song) ahead:

Somebody by Depeche Mode

(I substituted he where the original word was she, you know, since I am a girl, I like men....well, one man in particular)

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by side
And give me support
And in return
He'll get my support
He will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
He'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact, he'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
He will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought
And with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyones strings
I'm carefully trying
To steer clear of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly

Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
(And in a place like this I'll get away with it)...this was added when they sang the song live

What would I rather be doing...?

Seeing snow on the low lying hills of the Bay Area today put me in the mood for...


I need a buddy to go with me sometime in the next few months. Any volunteers???

Poor cat....

All I have to say is....seriously???


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Was this a promotional stunt or is this cat's owner just THAT cruel? ROFL!

Caution: cheese ahead

I am blogging from an airplane somewhere east of SF and west of Yosemite. Why? Because I can, and because I have something to say: I missed my little cupcake for the 48 hours I was away. Yes, as Terri says, [I am] so far gone." I missed his smell, his smile, his silly little dances he does when he's happy, the way he twitches when he's asleep. I missed his obnoxiousness when he's annoyed and his quietness when he is at ease. Yep, feel free to grab the nearest barf bag.